I feel so drained right now.
I feel like nothing matters.
No matter what I do, no matter what I say, nothing will ever matter.
It feels like everything that brought me happiness once before, doesn’t anymore.
And if I force myself to do those things, it just feels like another chore added onto my list.
The list grows and grows.
Soon there will be nothing that makes me happy.
I feel like giving up.
I feel like talking. But I can’t talk to anybody.
I feel like my heart’s being pulled in many directions at once.
I feel like I can’t call my heart mine anymore.
The days bleed one into another.
I stay up at night, dreaming about the scenarios I never wish will come alive.
I wake up in the middle of the night, to touch my tear-stained cheeks, to scream out his name, to cover my mouth to quieten the sounds of my heartbreak.
It hurts.
I don’t what else to say.
It feels like a chore.
Every f*cking thing feels like a chore.
Sleep. Don’t eat. Cry silently. 6 hours of pain and slow torture. Don’t eat. Stand under burning water. Stare at screen. Cry silently. Wake up from nightmares. Cry silently. Repeat.