I’m sitting here trying to comprehend the fact that not only is it my last day of school holidays, but also that I’m about to start my last year of being a junior in high school. I say it every year, and this year is no different – I still feel like I’m in Year 7.
This past week has been really hectic – with finding out my new classes, waiting for my time table to finally come out, and just thinking about what this year’s going to be like, it already feels like a lot.
They say Year 10 is the year that things finally start becoming more real, in a sense. Previously, I haven’t felt as much pressure from others to do well in all areas of my life, and although I always expect myself to do well, this year has already given me a glimpse into what the future holds for me.
After finding out my classes, especially my english class, I felt a little disappointed that I didn’t get into any of the top classes. Don’t get me wrong, I was (and am) happy for all my friends who did get into the top english classes, but I still felt uncomfortable thinking that I wasn’t going to be with them.
One of my biggest fears is that I’ll never be enough for both myself and the people around me, and I think this fear started to come more alive when I found out my classes. I know that the order of classes doesn’t mean that the people in the standard classes don’t have any skills, but it makes me think ‘why am I not part of something that I love and am good at?’
After talking to my Dad, as well as some of my close friends, they all reminded me that even though I’m not in a top class, my skills are just as great as other peoples’. Honestly, the perception that not being in a top class means you’re ‘dumb’ or ‘not good enough’ is the start of a cycle people get themselves into: negative self talk.
I’m not really looking forward to assessments or the pressure of school and to do well, but I have high hopes that this year will be good otherwise. I’m really excited to see my friends again and make some amazing memories this year!