What does the word “friend” mean?
Everyone has their own meaning to the word. For me, a real friend is someone who I can trust on. Someone who will be there for me no matter what happens. Someone who I can joke around with, but also have those serious and deep conversations too. A real friend is someone who cares for you and listens, but also who will tell you the truth no matter how much it hurts.
Over this past year, I’ve prioritised my social life and my relationships with other people. I’ve put myself out there, talked to new people and formed new friendships. And while these friendships have been with people I do care about and have gotten closer with, it was only recently that I realised that many people I called “friends,” were actually acquaintances.
Thinking back to just 3 years ago, despite my shitty mental health, I was happy and prioritised the handful of true friends that I had. People who I considered real friends, and were in fact, my real friends. Yet over the years, I decided to venture out and make new friends. Something I’ve learnt though, is that by prioritising one thing, you end up sacrificing something else in the process. In this circumstance, it was a weaker relationship with the people I considered my true friends.
As hardships have arised, I’ve found myself losing friendships with people I considered my real friends. Friendships I prioritised greatly this year, and at what cost? I lost them just because of one choice and one mistake I made, and now I have to deal with the consequences of that. Despite caring for them, maybe they weren’t actually my friends to begin with, and were merely acquaintances.
In a sea of acquaintances, I find myself searching for my real friends. People who I can trust, and who I know won’t leave, no matter what happens. Yet, I’m scared to take that first step to talk to people, because I know that there is a possibility that I will end up losing my friendship with them as well. At the same time, I know that to find my real friends, I’m going to have to lose “friendships” and take that risk.
I’ve been making friends my whole life. But now, I realise that I’ve only been making acquaintances. Finding and making real friendships is not as easy as it first seemed, but it’s something that will take time and effort, and in the end, I know I can find my people again.