Something I’ve really struggled with for the past few weeks is balance. Balance between school, extra curricular activities, home, time for myself – I’ve really been struggling to keep up with all of my tasks.
I’ve noticed that I’ve been doing so much for other people and not enough for myself, and this has really caught up on me. I had to stay home from school today, because I was sick, and this was because of a myriad of both physical and mental influences.
As we become closer to assessment week, I already know that everything is going to get really tough for me. The levels of stress and pressure from both my home and school environment has put even more hardship on me, and I know that I won’t be able to cope very well with it all.
I know there are specific things I should and probably need to do to avoid breaking down every night before I go to bed, but I don’t know… There’s this feeling that I have, that makes me believe that I must say yes to everything people ask of me, and that I shouldn’t need to ask for help. This lingering thought and feeling has caused me to take on much more than I can acquire at the moment, but I’m too scared and worried about what other people are going to say if I tell them the truth.
This isn’t something that has happened overnight, nor is it something that’s going to disappear completely after just one day. Months of trauma, stress and hardships have slowly put me in the situation I’m in today, and it isn’t that easy for me to just click my fingers and make it all go away.
I guess the first step I need to do, is try and figure out what I can do right at this moment, that’ll make things easier for me. I need to start changing my mindset about what I can and can’t do, and I shouldn’t limit myself to the boundaries I subconsciously place on myself.
It’s not going to be easy, and I know that for sure. But through time, some self care, bravery and love, I’m sure nothing is impossible for me to face.