Blurb:
Griffen has lost his first love in a drowning accident. Theo was his best friend, his ex-boyfriend and the one he believed he would end up with. Now, reeling from grief and worsening OCD, Griffen turns to an unexpected person for help. Theo’s new boyfriend.
But as their relationship becomes increasingly complicated, dangerous truths began to surface. Griffen must make a choice: confront the past, or miss out on his future.
Rating: 4/5 stars
Side Notes:
- Genres: Contemporary Romance, LGBTQ+ Romance, Fiction
- Highly recommend for 14 years and above
- TW: Abortion, Biphobia, Compulsions, Death, Drowning, Grief, Homophobia, Loss of loved one, OCD, Panic attacks, Sex, Statutory rape
- Romance Tropes: Friends to Lovers
Book Quotes:
- “I’ll never understand how time can make a moment feel as close as yesterday and as far as years.”
- “Time doesn’t heal all wounds. We both know that’s bullshit; it comes from people who have nothing comforting or original to say.”
- “People are complicated puzzles, always trying to piece together a complete picture, but sometimes we get it wrong and sometimes we’re left unfinished. Sometimes that’s for the best. Some pieces can’t be forced into a puzzle, or at least they shouldn’t be, because they won’t make sense.”
- “History is nothing. It can be recycled or thrown away completely. It isn’t this sacred treasure chest I mistook it to be. We were something, but history isn’t enough to keep something alive forever.”
- “I’m sorry, but please don’t be mad at me for reliving all of it. History is all you left me.”
- “There’s nothing wrong with someone saving my life, I’ve realized, especially when I can’t trust myself to get the job done right. People need people. That’s that.”
- “I’m blown away by how happy you make me. Thank you for being there for me when I’m stupid enough to think I’d rather be alone.”
- “But maybe people should be kind without reason.”
- “I was in love and love died and the pain you’ve left isn’t pain I can see myself having the strength to face again.”
- “Every universe I’ve created lately, your face keeps popping up in it.”
- “History remains with the people who will appreciate it most.”
- “I feel like a rock being skipped through the ocean—pain, relief, pain again, relief again, eventually destined to sink.”
- “You’re dead, and I’m the worst kind of alive.”
- “I’m so happy you were my first, Theo, and you were worth all the heartache.”
- “We were something, but history isn’t enough to keep something alive forever.”
- “The world should stop lying to kids because they’ve always been brutally honest with us.”
- “Love, the hugest liar in this universe.”
- “I’d give in to the grief but make sure I wasn’t loud enough to draw attention from those who think words will make me feel better.”
- “Then there’s the kind of zombie I’ve become now: the one who has lost everything—his brain, his heart, his light, his direction. He wanders the world, bumping into this, tripping over that, but keeps going and going. That is life after death.”
- “Even if I only got to spend that first drive to the planetarium with Theo, he broke me in a way everyone should be lucky to be cracked open at least once. I had the privilege of being destroyed by him until we found a better, real me inside of the person I was pretending to be.”
- “But in them all, you and I are more than history. I have to believe these universes exist; it’s the only way to manage the suffering here. Alternate versions of me are perfectly happy with alternate versions of you, because you’re alive.”
- “Puzzles are sort of like life because you can mess up and rebuild later, and you’re likely smarter the next time around.”
- “I’ll never understand how time can make a moment feel as close as yesterday and as far as years.”
- “This is the moment of the end. This is where we give up hope on reversing time, where we abandon finding a cure to death, where we live in this Theo-less universe, where we say goodbye. But I can’t. It is goodbye for most, but not for me. Never me.”
- “There’s got to be some scientific study somewhere that proves your boyfriend’s sweater will keep you warmer and cure you of any illnesses a lot faster, than some Pottery Barn blanket.”
- “But hey, if there’s one bright side to your dying, it’s that you aren’t around to tell me things I don’t like hearing. I’m sorry. That was a dickhead thing to say. I need a condom for my mouth.”