For the past 3 days, I’ve been adjusting back to my normal school routine. It was great to see my friends again, however, I could immediately feel the pressure and stress of school once again. Not gonna lie, it’s been really tough for me, especially since I already have 3 assessments due next Friday. I haven’t been coping with the stress of school very well, and with added pressure from my personal relationships, for the past 3 days I’ve just come home from school and cried.
Sometimes it feels really tough to balance all the areas of my life. School has become a nightmare that comes alive during the day, haunting me even at night. My extracurriculars such as music have been more of an added pressure for me, than something I just enjoy. I also made the decision to not try out for SRC this year, as I realised that I wouldn’t be able to cope with another extra-curricular on my plate.
The built up stress of my personal relationships have also put a lot of pressure upon me, causing so much anxiety that I just bottled up all my feelings and didn’t tackle the problem head on. I avoided the problem at hand, and didn’t talk to my friend about how I truly felt. By “avoiding” the problem, it’s come back to put more pressure upon my relationship with my friend. I haven’t been honest with her, making excuses all the time, and just trying to be happy for her, even when I’m far from being happy.
Even though all these things have been stressing me out, I talked to another friend at music, who gave me some great advice. All these things are just inconveniences and hardships that I need to face, problems I need to solve. While I might feel like I have no purpose or a clear goal in mind, it’s important to know that I do have a purpose, and that God has put me on this Earth for a specific reason. I might not know what it is exactly yet, but it’s important that I just continuing taking another step forward.
This conversation made me feel a bit lighter, and I decided to talk to friend about my feelings. I didn’t have the heart to ruin her happy mood and physically couldn’t find the words to tell her what was wrong, so I texted her after school and just told her the truth. We talked about what I was going through, and she helped me step back and focus on the light once again. I’m really glad we worked through my issues, as bottling up my emotions for several months had taken both a physical, mental and emotional toll on me. I could immediately feel myself become slightly less stressed, and I realised how much better I felt afterwards.
Bottling up your emotions isn’t a good thing, and it eventually builds up until you aren’t able to hold it in any longer. I frequently bottle up my emotions, because I don’t like causing problems or making my friends and family feel bad. However, this bad habit has put an extreme amount of pressure upon my mental, physical and emotional health.
Moving forward, I want to be able to express myself when people or situations make me feel uncomfortable. I want to be brave enough to ask people for help, and be honest with myself and others when inconveniences and challenges arise. This habit of mine is going to be a hard one to break, but with the support of my friends and family, it doesn’t seem entirely impossible for me to achieve.