To say a lot happened this year is definitely an understatement. A lot of good things happened, a lot of bad things happened, but most of all, many surprising and interesting things came out of this year. The contributors of both my happiness and sadness definitely changed throughout the year, thanks to breakup(s), drama, friends travelling overseas and so much more.
Thinking back to the start of the year, I had so many goals and expectations set up for myself, the biggest being that I would become the best version of myself this year. Now I realise just how unrealistic that expectation turned out to be, yet I’m somehow not mad at that?
Needless to say, the contributors of 2022 have changed dramatically. From friends, to school, to even just the hobbies and things that I love – I’ve fallen in and out of love with different things in my life, both literally and figuratively. And as scary as it was back then in the moment to come into terms with that, I’m starting to understand that things change. What I loved a month ago, may not necessarily be what I love now. But either way, that’s life and sometimes that means finding new sources of happiness, even if your old ones made you happy during that point of your life.
2022 contributors of my happiness
The main contributors of my life this year include:
- Amelia Blackwell, my best friend who went on overseas exchange in September to Spain. Despite the distance, we still frequently talked, or technically, ranted, about life’s curveballs and challenges. We shared our highs and lows this year, and despite the lows being quite low, she was one of the biggest supporters and contributors in my life. She was there for me through thick and thin, and we ironically went through similar situations together (once again) as well, including the fact that we both came out as bisexual this year! Unfortunately, we didn’t share any classes together this year, but she did end up dropping to my maths class mid-way through the year. It was hard not seeing her everyday in all my classes like last year, but she would always come pay me a visit during recess and lunch.
Some of my favourite memories with her include buying her a cake that said “Dad” on it for her on her last day at school before leaving for Spain, and buying her another cake when she returned, except this time, I bought whipped cream and wrote “Daddy” on it. She also threw an amazing 16th birthday party, which definitely sparked the start of our friend group forming. I can’t wait to see our friendship continue to grow and flourish in 2023!
- Kevin Kurniawan, my guy best friend, and soon potentially more than that. It’s actually a little surprising how close we got this year, but I’m so grateful to have in my life. He has genuinely become of my closest friends that I trust and can rely on, and he has been there for me through some of my biggest hardships this year. From music to giving each other advice on anything and everything, we have gotten to know each other a lot more, and are somehow more similar than we initially realised. It’s crazy to me that I’ve known him since Year 7 (although not that well), and that we used to get shipped for a good two and a half years by Noah and Blake in band. Our friendship has come a long way since then, and I’m so excited to see where it goes this next year.
We have a lot of amazing memories together, including him introducing me to Japanese rock, specifically this band called One Ok Rock! Some of our more ehem interesting, but not regretful memories together include cuddling together at Eoin’s birthday party (I’m still unsure of how that even happened), and going on a walk together on the beach at night at Anna’s Graduation and cuddling on a log. Like I said, interesting, but not regretful moments lmaoo. So much has happened in just these last 3 weeks between us, but I’m so grateful that our relationship is going strong. He’s one of the very few people I can just talk to without overthinking if I should say something or not, and he always makes me feel calm and confident in myself, and believes in me when I don’t. As our relationship begins to bloom, I’ve begun to realise that he is the epitome of what a healthy relationship should look like and I’m so grateful to experience that.
- The Updated Bread Gang, a group of interesting individuals (Eoin, Diluk, Jacob Sales, Kevin, Habel, Josh McKinnon, Utkarsh Jain, Matt Li, Amelia Blackwell, Sara Lofstrand, Iva Dones) that only formed into a proper group in literally the last 4 months. Previously, I’ve just never fit into one friend group, and while I still don’t feel like I fit in, I’ve met people who inspire me and continue to make me laugh and smile everyday. We’ve all had our ups and downs (especially more recently), but I have loved getting to know each and every one of them.
Some of our favourite moments this year have been at Amelia’s 16th Birthday, drinking (and simping over) BTS coffee at school, and just sitting and talking at breaks. I’ve also loved our bonfires at Bateau Bay, and singing around the fire together. It’s crazy that we’ve only been a proper group for just under 4 months now, but we have experienced so much together in just that short time. The memories I’ve made with these guys are definitely some of my favourites this year!
- Morning People, the crazy, yet somehow bothered enough people that come early to school in the mornings (aka at 8am – 8:25am). At the start of every year, I always have one person that I always just think to myself “Damn, I want to get to know this person more this year.” And so I do. This year, that person was Rhiannon Chaney, and she has become one of my favourite people to talk to in the mornings. We, along with Izzy, Esha, and Liana, spend our mornings spilling tea and asking each other random questions, like what we look for in a guy and playing “He’s a 10, but…” I’ve loved these simple, but funny daily conversations, and every year, this group never fails to make me smile in the mornings.
- Evelyn Rajesaker, my dancing partner and my side hoe. I only really got to know Evelyn this year, and what an experience that has been! I’ve loved every moment and conversation I’ve had with her, whether it be spilling tea or complaining in Graphic Tech, shoving cake in our faces, or dirty dancing at the Year 10 Formal! She’s one of the people I’ve just clicked straight away with, and she never fails to make me laugh or smile. I can’t wait for this next year with her <33
- Rionah Gonsalves, my OG best friend and the Aarushi to my Nicole. Rionah and I have been friends since we were in Year 7, and our friendship has only gotten bigger and brighter since then! This year was difficult for our friendship though, because we didn’t have any classes together, which was a big change from last year. However, I’ve loved the moments we have had together, whether it be spilling tea throughout the day, or our long, much needed hugs.
Special Mentions: There were a couple of people this year that brought me a lot of joy and happiness during that part of my life, however things have changed and we’ve moved on since then. I’m still grateful that I met them and experienced things with them, but life happens and unfortunately we don’t share the same friendship/relationship as we did back then. These people include: Habel Basil and Iva Dones.
People I’ve Gotten Closer To This Year: Eoin McAweaney, Borka, Sara Lofstrand, Meaghan McBride, Utkarsh Jain, Matthew Li, Rhiannon Chaney, Evelyn Rajasekar, Josh McKinnon.
2022 contributors of my sadness
Unfortunately, there were a lot of low points during my life this year. A lot of late nights, a lot of crying, a lot of bad marks and mistakes and heartbreaks. Although things do get easier over time, life is hard, and sometimes the highs seem non-existent when the lows seem so low.
The main contributors of my sadness this year were due to:
- Anxiety attacks during band
- Not eating properly
- Lack of sleep
- Coffee Addiction + Withdrawals
- Iva cutting me off
- My parents consistently yelling at me
- Pressures such as doing well at school, getting a job and getting my driver’s licence
- Inner conflict
- Parents being controlling
- Thinking about the future (especially Year 11 & 12)
- Feeling like I’m rushing into a relationship instead of focusing on myself
- Feeling like I don’t have a good, strong support system
- My grades/marks dropping noticeably at school (especially in maths; failing 3/4 of my tests this year)
- Growing up
- Fear of the unknown, what’s to come in year 11 and 12 and after
- Feeling like I don’t belong anywhere
- Coming “home” to a toxic family situation
- Growing distant from my friends
- School