I wish I could tell you this. I wish I could tell you how important you really are to me, and that you would actually believe it. I wish you could understand my pain, my worries. Because even when I go to sleep, I think about the worst possible thing to happen to me – to lose you. Again.
It’s bad enough dreaming about it.
So please. Please don’t let it happen in reality too.
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You always tell me that you just want to be treated like a priority for once. You tell me that you wish someone, anyone, would just choose you. Choose you over everyone else, and keep choosing you.
You don’t see it, but I’m that someone.
You don’t know how many times I HAVE and I WILL CONTINUE TO choose you.
You don’t know ****.
You don’t.
You don’t know how many people have told me not to go back to someone who’s hurt me, and continues to hurt me. You don’t know how many times people have said that to me.
And you won’t ever know cause I won’t ever tell you.
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But even after everything, I continue to choose you.
Every damn day I continue to choose you, even after you push me away time and time again.
Every day I prioritise you.
But you don’t see it do you?
You don’t see how it’s breaking me, being there for someone who can easily just go to another.
Being there for someone who won’t choose me back.
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I wish that one day, you’ll realise what I’ve done.
I wish one day, you will see my efforts, my hope, not for me but for you.
I wish one day, someone who you actually care about will choose you back.
And I can’t wait for the day that you will find that person, and feel that love that I continue to give you.
The love that I’ll always give to you, no matter what.
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Forever and Always, Lian Sequeira (02/08/2021)