I have this specific memory from near the end of last year, and it was when I was on facetime with one of my best friends. She was telling me her worries and her anxieties, especially about taking this acne cream which the dermatologist told her was going to make her skin worse before it got better.
And so, I told her this:
Imagine yourself a year from now. This exact day, in 365 days. Who do you want to be? What qualities do you want to exhibit? Who do you want to be friends with? Who don’t you want to be friends with? Why do you want these things? How are you going to get these things? Imagine the person you want to be, the life you want to live. Write it down. Get as specific as you can with it. Write down the things/fears you want to get over. Write down the things you want to do.
Now, not even a full year later, I’ve watched her grown and develop into the person she wanted to be. I watched her conquer her fears, score those maths results, work her ass off to get where she is today. And I’m so proud of her for getting there.
Yet, not even a year later, I still feel stuck in the same position I was in 2020. I’m not happy. I’m not fully sad either. I’m doing terribly in school. I’m crying my eyes out at home. And now I’m thinking, why? Why can I give such good advice to other people and watch them turn their lives around, but I can never take my own advice and do the same for myself?
I called up that same friend last night, and just told her the truth. I apologised and told her everything that had been happening this past year, and why I haven’t been the same as I used to be. And when I told her about that specific memory, she told me to take my own advice and write down who I wanted to be by the end of 2022. She said that the year wasn’t over yet, and I still could become the person I wanted to be, only if I let myself be and work hard to become that person.
So here’s my dream Lian. By the end of 2022, I want to be this Lian.
