New year, new me
New ways of overthinking
New ways of crumbling
New days, new ways
I’m scared of what’s to come
I’m scared that I’m not going to keep up
I’m scared that I’m going to relapse
I’m scared…
Everyday seems like a reminder of the things I haven’t done
Kiss the guy I’m in love with
Read the book I was meant to 3 years ago
Practice the things that make me happy
But everyday I feel like I’m missing out
Missing out on something that I didn’t know was there
Missing out on the memories, the experiences, the ways
I feel left out of something that I never thought I was part of
There are regrets
Regrets and mistakes
They tie me down, make it hard to breathe
They make me feel guilty, even though there shouldn’t be any more guilt left
I’m sad, but I don’t know why
I feel left out, but I don’t know what of
I feel hurt, but I’ve put up a barrier for so long that no one hurts me anymore
I feel, but I don’t know why or how
Everyday I live in constant fear
I fear that the past is going to repeat itself
I fear that I’m going to get hurt
I fear that I won’t be able to reach the place I can call home