This is the first blog post I’ve written in 2 months. And it’s clear that even after 3 years of writing here, I still get stuck on what to write.
Anyway, what’s been happening in these last 2 months, you may ask?
Well, not much. Other than finishing Year 11, and being one day away from starting Year 12; the last year of high school, but more importantly(?) the year of the dreaded exam: the HSC.
The concept of the HSC still makes me scream. I mean, what kind of sane adult decided that a month of 3 hour tests would be the way to determine a child’s understanding of a subject that:
a) is not relevant in the future
b) is outdated (to say the least)
c) assesses a kid’s ability and so called "smartness" by a comparing them to other kids, and then
d) brandish them a number that no one even looks at in 2 years??
An insane adult, that’s who.
In all seriousness, I have mixed feelings about the HSC. On one hand, it sounds awful. But on the other, what can I really do about it?
I was introduced to the whole "HSC" thing back in Year 10. There were whispers about it before that, but everyone had more important things to worry about, like science and history exams no one would remember. Back in Year 10, the teachers warned us about the hard intense work that was to come, and how we needed to prepare to work harder than ever before.
It’s been a year since then. And no foreshadowing or warnings could have prepared me for Year 11. It has definitely been a difficult year, that’s for sure. Not impossible, but certainly difficult.
I think one of the hardest things this year (other than the whole "studying" thing) was actually feeling supported. I watched so many friend groups, mine included, fall apart and people grow distant. It was a sad sight to see, especially during a year when friendships and having a good support system was quite crucial. At times, I felt distant from people. I didn’t know who to trust or to talk to. I even questioned if there was any point talking to people. After all, everyone was focusing on themselves, and their school work obviously.
I still don’t think I’ve found a group of friends who I can really trust, but I do know that I have a few individuals in my life that make it slightly easier. Shout out to my boyfriend Kevin, and my besties: Rionah and Sarah. They’ve honestly kept me grounded most of the year. I’ve gotten a lot closer to Ananya and Rheanna as well, and they’ve been great people to be around. Part of me is sad that I drifted away from people, especially my old group of friends, but I think it happened for a reason, and that things worked out for the better in the end anyway. I’m trying to focus on myself more, but I still talk to people and make the effort to say hi to people even if we don’t have any classes together.
Another thing that I found difficult this year was to study (obviously). At the beginning of the year, I didn’t have many expectations for Year 11 and what my subjects would be like, so I just engaged as much as I could during class and left it at that. All the motivation I had for school went into affirming that I would pass my first maths test and making sure I did all my homework early – and I smashed that test (83% baby!!). For someone who has aimed for perfection all their life, I was so proud of myself, especially because of the rough maths year I previously had. With everything else however, I’ve just been swimming along. I used to be a pretty smart kid growing up, and I always stood out. But now I’m dealing with being just an average kid in a sea of smart kids, and it’s hard to motivate myself to be better, when everyone else seems so much better than I am.
I spent these holidays going back over the Year 11 content with my dad, and learning how to learn. Although rewriting notes is helpful for some, I find that I’m not actively taking in the information and properly understanding. This definitely reflected in my prelim results, which didn’t go as well as I hoped they would.
Nevertheless, I hope – no I AM – going to up my game and consistently study and put in the work for all my subjects. It’s going to be a tough year, but I know that if I put in effort in the right areas, thing will work out for me. In the end, HSC is just a number, and life goes on. So I’m going to make the most of it, do my personal best and keep going no matter what.
-Lian Sequeira (Sunday, 08 October 2023)