To the boy who broke my heart,
I would never be able to tell you this in real life, let alone over text. So here’s me, ranting through words you’ll never read.
Do you want to know the real reason why I don’t want to get Instagram? Because I don’t want to get addicted to another app. Because I’m afraid to open up to other people. Because I’m scared that I’m going to get hurt again.
I’m scared that I’m going to relapse because of another doucebag like you, who will pretend for a while, until he gets fed up with me and drops me like I’m nothing.
Yeah, I used to like you. But you led me on for 3 months, and then told me that I was being annoying and to stop texting you.
So I stopped.
I stopped caring about you. I stopped opening myself up to people. My friends, my family – I closed off from the world because of you and your perceptions of me.
I get it. I’m not perfect. I’m “annoying” to you.
But guess what? I know I’m not perfect. Hell, I’m not trying to be.
I’m sorry if you see me as annoying. But that’s just your opinion of me. It’s not right, it’s not wrong, so why should I beat myself up because of your fucking opinion of me?
It’s been almost a year, and I’m still struggling. I’m still not able to let you go. I’m still not able to forget the past, and move on.
Because in the end, you were important to me. Back then. And I know we aren’t the same people now. I know that we don’t share the same feelings for each other.
I guess, the reason I can’t let you go, is because even after everything – all the pain, all the hurt, all the late night tears, I still see the good in you. I still remember all the feels, all the butterflies, all the good that you sparked in my life back then.
I never gave up on you. Our relationship changed, yes, but I still considered you as my friend. But what did you consider me as? An annoying girl that you would only text when you needed help with school? Someone who you can use when you get bored? An inconvience just waiting to burst?
The audacity of you and your stupid actions. How dare you tell me what to do? How dare you call me names, and expect me to help you after that? How dare you ask me after a year ‘What happened?’
I’ll tell you what happened.
A guy that I trusted, that I cared for, that I gave up freaking everything for, broke my trust. You broke my trust, trust that I put aimlessly in your hands, hoping that you wouldn’t misuse it. But you did. And then life happened.
One decision brought many consequences. One action brought many retaliations. One sentence brought tears to my eyes every night for months to come.
So I’m sorry if I’m annoying you. I’m sorry if I don’t trust you anymore. I’m sorry that I wasn’t the person for you.
But I’m sorry that you were the reason that my nights were torture. I’m sorry that you were the reason I cried myself to sleep. I’m sorry that you were the one who wasn’t good enough for me.